R.I.P Gran

“I miss all the little things, I never thought that they’d mean everything to me.”

I came across this quote and all I could think about was my little granny. Well, I say little but little may be an understatement, in fact she was the opposite. She was a fairly big gran, with an even bigger heart, a heart of gold stuck in another era.  She was the light of my Father’s life, he did everything a child could for a parent if not beyond. She was to my Father, what he is to me. Words can’t describe that type of love and bond.

I lost my gran on New Years Day 2015.  She developed pneumonia and it caused all types of complications due to her age. When she left, all areas of my life were affected.  Even parts of my life that had no direct correlation to her, things turned upside down, people even changed and it has honestly never been the same again. Grief does some strange things but in the process it teaches you a lot about those that surround you.

Bless her soul though, being raised in the beauty of a village in South Asia, in a traditional household, she married my grandfather fairly young.  My grandfather worked in the ambulance services during WW2, so shortly after the war the invitation from Her Majesty arrived, and they relocated to England. She could never settle too far away from the open outdoors of her village, which is why in my early years I never saw much of her, just the occasional holidays and visits.

However, during my late teen years, my Father managed to convince her to settle in England. Due to reasons still unbeknown to me, Gran lost sensation in the lower part of her legs, this meant she was tied to her zimma frame for many years right up until her last day.

There are constant reminders of her, which isn’t a bad thing, but in random moments the feeling of loss take me by surprise. To think she will never meet a child of mine is heartbreaking considering it’s something she’s prayed for hugely!

She often gave me a telling off in a jestful manner for not wearing the ‘right’ clothes, by ‘right’ I mean grans version of ‘right’. If it was up to her, she would have loved to see me prancing about as if I’ve just stepped out of a Bollywood movie! No amount of jewellery was too much, no colour was too bright, in fact she opposed any dark coloured item in my wardrobe.😀

Yes, you could say my gran was orthodox and some would even say superstitious.  To this day, I struggle to comprehend a few of her customs,  but to me she was everything a gran should be.  She never had any biological daughters, only sons.  Perhaps that’s why she held her granddaughters so close. She was a mixture of all things dear to me, she disciplined like a parent, giggled mischievously like a sibling and gave me the love of a gran, that only a gran could give.

I miss her everyday & I hope one day we can meet again.

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